The True Meaning of Life

Don't Die

Review: Star Trek

I think we can all agree, that movie remakes are either giant hits, or giant bombs ruining the franchise forever. I suppose everybody would classify the Star Trek movie in the former category, however I greatly disagree. Now first I'll say this, as a movie, Star Trek was great. Great acting, writing, art direction and effects. It was a great film, however, there is one minor complication, the title, Star Trek, yeah, I don't know what J.J. Abrams was smoking but last time I checked STAR TREK WAS NOTHING LKE THIS. How the fuck, could they do this. There is no way this was Star Trek, it was basically a Star Wars: A New Hope with Star Trek characters. The science, pyschology and intellegence that Star Trek is known for has been replaced by loud, colorful action. Let's star with the charcaters, Kirk, he's a cynical, violent asshole who is a hidden genius. SINCE WHEN. I know he was a little arrogant and knew his way around an arena, but come on. Spock, WHAT. Why on Earth would he just decide to throw his colleague off the ship, he would never do that. McCoy, I actually have little to complain about McCoy, but for chief medical officer, HE DOES NOTHING MEDICAL. Unless you count him injecting Kirk with three syringes of who knows what. Uhura, she's a sex symbol and nothing mor, and she makes out with Spock, yeah, that ain't right. Scotty, character wise, he was spot on, but one query, WHY THE FUCK WAS HE ONLY IN THE FILM FOR LAST TWENTY MINUTES. Sulu, he's in for about five minutes, fences some dude and he's gone. Checkov, I have to say, Checkov's character really clicked and I actually like this portrayl better than the original. But since when is he a genius and since when does he work a transporter, that's Scotty's job, where was Scotty, waiting for his debut about an hour later. I'd also like to point out for a character who wasn't even around for the entire series, he played way too large of a role. Next let's move to the Enterprise. The bridge looks like a Best Buy and the engiene room like the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant. Now the plot, in a short run, in revenge for getting Romulus destroyed by which apparently was Spock's fault, Captain Nero, who by the way looks nothing like a Romulan, uses time warp and a mining drill to launch red matter, ooh, in planets to destory them. So basically, IT'S A FUCKING STAR WARS CLONE. This is Star Trek, Star-Trek, the cerator of innovative, interesting and complicated stroylines. I seriously think a ten year old could have written this plot. By the way, Vulcan blows up, Romulus blows up, so there's goes continuity. Speaking of continuity, the Romulans inhabit hundreds of planets, the loss of one isn't that catastrophic, well yeah it's a lot of lives, but on a scale, no big deal. Also, Human, Vulcans and Romulans, that's the extent of the Star Trek universe. No Klingons, Borg, Trill, Cardassians etc. They're all gone. Nw, you might remember from the scene where young Kirk is driving a car off a cliff and saves him self at the last minute. WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT ABOUT. It has nothing to do with the film, and why is a ten year driving a car. Why is he delibratly driving the car into a canyon, and since when is there a canyon is Iowa. My God this film is fucked up. If your a trekkie, don't see this film, it will be a shame. If you're like every other American and enjoy violence, vulgar and things making boom noises, you'll love this film.

3/10

Rant: Cell Phones

Oh the Cell Phone, that wonderful 4 inch piece of metal that allows to talk (or text for you Americans) whenver, wherever and to whoever. Well, let's take a look at that second benefit, wherever. It's it appears that particular benefit which is kind of the point of a Cellular Phone has an exception, school No Cell Phones in School, now that just pisses me off. The whole point of me buying a cell phone is so, what was it again, oh yeah, I CAN FUCKING CALL PEOPLE WHEN I'M NOT HOME, 90% of the time when I'm not home, because I'm a social tragedy, is school, and to add on to my reclusion, 90% of the calls I make are to my parents. Look, I often find it necesary to talk to my parents in school . It's often about after school shit I have to do, but sometimes about more personal matters. Now, whenever I'm seen with a cell phone, teachers think I'm texting to friends or dealing drugs. And, proceed to confiscate my phone. 1. I don't text, it's is waste of money and it is tedious. 2. I never have my phone out during class, so if I'm using my phone on my own time, say in Commons, well isn't it my fucking business, and who am I affecting if I call someone. If I need to make an important phone call, I will make it. That's the whole damn point of a phone. Teachers tell me to use the office phone. Well, I WANT MY PHONE CALLS TO BE FUCKING PRIVATE. If it's just to my parents, okay, I'll use the office phone. But if I'm making a personal, and rarely emotional phone call, I don't want to have the secretary, students and the principal listening to my private conversion. Now, I'm going to tell you a true incident. Sometime in I think, January, my grandfather had to go in for heart surgery. And I just so happened to be stressed that morning and wanted to speak to him. Well, I tried to call him and twice in the halls and teachers caught me and I had to run like hell to keep them from confiscating my phone. I had to hide in a band room closet, no joke, a fucking band room closet to make my phone call. So to all school personell who vow to confiscate every LG Shine and Razor in sight, why don't you rule out texting and business calls (use your imagination on that one), and just let us make our fucking phone calls.

Rant: The Nintendo Gamecube

If you were to associate one company with video games, it would be Nintendo. Think of all the genius they've come out with. Super Mario Bros, Zelda, NES, Wii, Donkey Kong the list goes on and on. Well, there's one particular creation, well two counting the Virtual Boy, that in my opinio, downright sucked. And this is the little lunchbox known as the Nintendo Gamecube. Let's start with the most important things when it comes to a gaming console, the games. The Gamecube had only 600 games made for it, when you think about it, that's pretty small. The PS2 had over 5000. 5000 vs. 600, which will you take, yeah that's what I thought. Not to mention about 100 of titles were kiddy shovelware. Let's see, what's next, oh yeah graphics. Now I'not an expert with graphical numbers and bits and that's stuff, but compared to the Ps2 amd Xbox, the Gamecube was terrible, and you could tell with just one look. The Gamecube had huge graphical limitations it showed on games, example Windwaker. I refuse to play that game. Zelda with a cartoony, kiddy interface, blah. Sadly, it was a sign of things to come, no I don't mean Twilight Princess, I mean the Wii itself. Speaking of major franchises, the Gamecube was a franchise BOMB. Literally, so many Gamecube games are remembered as blotches on Nintendo's classic franchises, or leaving franchises behind all together. Super Mario Sunshine, who the fuck gave that the green light. Mario with a water squirting backpack, it's like Super Mario Bros. 2 all over again, except this game was legitimate. How about Mario Kart: Double Dash, it was good, but it could have been a lot better. Any Yoshi games, nope. Kirby who. 1080 Avalanche was okay, but compared to another series I like to call SSX, it was a piece of shit. Bomberman, ugh. Wave Race: Blue Storm was the biggest dissapointment of my life. How can you go from arguably the best racing game ever (Wave Race 64) to a mediocre title. And newsflash Nintendo, Star Fox belongs in the sky, not on land. Mega Man, no explanation required. Did you bother bringing back Castlevania, Sin and Punishment, Punch-Out, Excitebike, the list goes on. If it weren't for Metroid Prime, Pikmin, Donkey Kong and Resident Evil 4, the console would have gone down the tubes faster than the R-Zone. Never heard of it, that because it fucking sucked. Speaking of major franchises, the Gamecube just didn't have them, and they all rocked. I already mentioned SSX, but how about Halo, Gran Turismo, Killzone, Guitar Hero and so many more. You know this cool thing called online play invented around this time, does the Gamecube have it, nope. Then the controller, oh my god the controller. If you took all the contollers of the fifth and sixth gaming generations and had them make a deformed child, it was the Nintendo Gamecube controller. Who the fuck designed that piece of shit. Why are the buttons so disproportionate, why is the A button huge and the B button the size of a thumbtack. Why a the X and Y buttons elongated. Why is there only three shoulder buttons, not four. Whose bright idea was it to swap the positions of the D-Pad and the Analog stick which is okay, but keep their sizes. The D-Pad is so small it's impossible push down only one direction and the Analog Stick is supposed to be SMALLER than your thumb. It's like Nintendo tried to make the controller look as strange as possible. Look at a PS2 controller, it's so organized, D-Pad, two Angalog sticks well placed, four equally sized equally placed buttons, four shoulder buttons. How could it be any better? Next, and this complaint officially banishes the Gamecube to hell with the Atari 5200, Virtual Boy and 3DO. Did you ever wonder why the games felt so limited. Why the content seemed restricted. The RPGs weren't as deep, the adventures were shorter. Why there were only 16 tracks in Double Dash, why you beat Sonic Heroes and DK: Jungle Beat in about 5 hours, why Harvest Moon: A Wonderful had a set storyline (I just had to mention a Harvest Moon game). Well maybe it was because the Gamecube disks WERE THE SIZE OF A FUCKING PIZZA BAGEL. Really, was making the discs and the console small really that important, limited gameplay was a worthy sacrifice. That's why we had limited graphics, no online play, smaller games. Because of Nintendo's shitty smaller is better policy. I just don't fucking geti t. Why do the Japenese constantly think things need to be small. What do we care if we have to put our console large shelves or our DS can't fit the back pocket, just the front. It's America, everything's larger over here. And not to insult Japan, but Nintendo should be answering our appeals not Japan's because we are the clear majority of their sales. Here's another example of this shitty policy is the DS. The Nintendo DSi is 11% smaller than the DS Lite. Oh that's nice, what's 11%, half a milimeter. At what cost is this minor removal of bulkiness, oh not much just a QUARTER OF THE FUCKING BATTERY LIFE. Yeah an 11% bulk removal was definetly worth that. But I'm getting off topic. In conclusion, even though Gamecube will not go down in history as one of gaming shittiest consoles, as modern generations go, it certainly is at the bottom of the barrel.

Mini Rant: Killzone 2

hHey everybody, I found out this awesome way that you can play Killzone 2 on your PS3 without spending $50 to buy, or $7 to rent or $28.61 to have a guy steal it. You know that old Killxone 1 disc in the back of your closet, well, pull that out and put it into your PS3. Now pay attention cause this next part is real important. Ready, okay. Turn on the PS3 and play Killzone 1 again, there you go, Killzone 2. Don't get it, then you're a dumbass.

A List of Random People That Piss Me Off

- Sarah Palin
- Terrel Owens
- Ethan Hawke
- Austin Arel (not a celebrity)
- Barry Bonds
- John Edwards
- Roger Clemens
- Conservative Extremists
- Jim Kramer
- Russ Limbaugh (example of a Coservative Extremist)
- Reverend Wright
- O.J. Simpson
- Andy Dick
- People who think Rap and Heavy Metal is music
- Data Design Interactive and all its employees
- Chad Johnson
- Pete Rose
- Carter Pewterschmidt (Just because he is a character does not mean he can't piss me off)
- Geroge W. Bush
- George H. W. Bush
- Everbody who voted for George W. Bush in 2004
- Everybody who voted for Barrack Obama solely because he's black (that statment is not racist)
- Michael Jackson
- DMV Employees
- All Religous Zealots
- Whoever came up with the idea to make the new Star Trek movie an action film

5 Reasons Why Our Government Sucks

I hope to God that no FBI or CIA officials blow this into overdrive and cart me off to Guantonemo Bay, but I honestly our government has some big problems. It's kind of the reasons why 2000 - Present have been very shitty years. Now, I'm all for democracy and checks and balances and yada yada yada. But, I mean seriously we've got issues.

1. Whips. This I will explain, Whips constantly encourage party line voting and bribe Congressman with campaign money and committee assignments. Why, just tell why this is a good thing. We are now encouragaing party lines and discouraging bipartisanship. Isn't this the reason that we got NOTHING done in Bush's second term, because both parties were in a deadlock, well that and Bush was a stubborn jackass, but Whips are not a help, they are a hindrance.

2. Filibusters. I know this was established so an outvoted party won't go unheard or unconsidered in the Senate. But again, it is another things that prevents progress. but if a certain party, cough, Republicans, cough, gets outvoted, it's their fault and they should just deal with it and let the government run it's course, or maybe they could try bipartisanship. I know we can get a Cloture to end it, but these oppurtunities are few and far between.

3. Lack of Recall Elections. I know we have four year terms (for President, which is what I'm talking about) so each President has time to accomplish whatever the hell he wants to do. I know it takes time to judge a President, but if he's sucking after two or three years, Herbert Hoover prime example, we should have the right to get him out of there and the Vice without an impeachment.

4. Lobbyists. I am a little iffy about this one, becuase I know lobbyists provide good information on bills, but the corruption they cause is unbearable. The bribes and blackmails, it's insane. And a lot of them are sent by industries who can afford expensive lobbying and the government ends up representing these huge companies and forget about the common people. Don't get me wrong, I'm for lobbying, I lobby, I email by representatives nad that's it. And we're the ones they should be listening to. Not these corporal, funded, lying, sleazy, assholes.

5. Electoral College: Again, WHY. What is the point. What is the fucking point. We have these point per state, and if you win the state you get all points. So uh, all these people who voted for the othre candidate(s), I guess we don't give two shits about their vote. We keep tack of the popular vote anyway, why don't we use that. In fact, isn't that the whole damn point of a democracy, to consider everyone's vote. If we did this, Bush never would have been president and I guarantee our lives wouldn't suck as much as they do today.

Overhated Games Part 2: Torino 2006

Okay, it has been common knowledge since the good old NES days that games based off of the polympics are piecesof shit. Summer Games, Nagano 98, Sydney 2000, Athens 2004, they all suck. The sole exception is Mario and Sonic at the Olympic Games, which was a decent title. So here's the question, why do these games constantly suck. Well, primarily due to lack of depth, requiring no strategy with all games consisting of button mashing, repetition and the games being either ridiculously easy or insanly difficult. Now Torino 2006 seems to harbor these same criticisms but I disagree. First of all, the game has near perfect graphics, something it never get seems to get credit for. Secondly, most of the events, not all are intuituve. The Baiathalon and Cross Country Skiiing have a unique cotrol style and require strategy. The same goes for Ski Jumping. The Downhill Events are realistic and fun. The Luge and Bobsled are very well controlled and are also FUN. Let me repeat, the game is FUN. And isn't that kind of important when it comes to playing games. I'm not saying the game is perfect, the speed skating event is awful, While there is some depth, it is realy shallow. There is no snowboarding or curling and thecommentary is stupid. But is the game bad, no, is it good, well, not really. But for any olympic or winter sport fan, it is certainly worth a rent.

Game Review: Super Mario Galaxy

Everybody please, shut the fuck up. I'm so sick of everybody bitching and moaning about how this game is so awesome and the best game ever because it has gravity, and stars, and Mario. Well you know what, all of you, shut up, SHUT THE HELL UP. Super Mario Galaxy is not the best game ever. Its not. Its good, I'm not saying its bad just highly overrrated. First, I'll say what I do like. I have to admit that the gravity, sphereical world and entire layout of the universe was spectacular and it absolutely stunned me. It was executed perfectly and was fun, the first few times. Secondly incredible graphics and controls, I never had a problem controling Mario when he was on his feet, notice those last three words. Thirdly, the ideas for stars were entirely original. There were many out of the box ideas such as nabigating gravity csatles, using star pulls, slingpods, star bit collecting. It was original and fun the first several times. A you noticing a recurring theme in these positives, I do, REPETITION. The game gets repetitive and so far I'm the only one who seems to notice this. You'll eventually find that you'll be doing very similar tasks aain and again. Use these gravity stars to get to the other side, navigate this gravity maze, shoot these slingpods at what I think is a mutated pokey, find the five star chips, find the star bunnies. It gets annoying. Again and again. True each task has it's own variables, but at the core, it's the same tasks. There's also two galaxies that are mirrored copies of each other. The Mario universe is also startng to get repetitive. Uh, goombas, koopas, magikoopas, those fucking pihrana plants. Uh, those stupid pihrana plants, why are they still in the Mario universe, THEY SCARE SMALL CHILDREN. Speaking of small children, God is this game childish. The game has such a cartoony look and feel, those Toads annoy the crap out of me and there's one mission where you have to walk on a gravitational bee queen, oh god it's just plain wrong. The camera was nearly uncontrollable. I dislike Mario's three hit health system. Mario has only two attacks on his own. Spin and star bit launch. Spin has too small of a range and it has TO RECHARGE. So if oyu're getting bombarded by twenty Goombas, which does happen, you're dead. You can hit them with star bits, but that only STUNS THEM, that's right, you have to hit them again to kill them. You can jump on them, put it's very hard to place your jumps. You can collect suits to enhance your abilities but these are rare. Also, the flatground in this game is not used enough and when it's used it's too small. Also, I occasionally found myself jumping freely over the edge of a planet thinking gravity will catch me when I fall into a black hole. Swimming control is downright awful. Also there are too many boss battles. Each major galaxy had one, and a one out of four star ratio is too small. That's right, each galaxy (the major one's anyway) have only four stars. Now there are challenge comets that add two stars to the galaxies but they involve redoing objectives you already did under certain conditions, again, repetition. Also, I found at certain times I was in a galaxy and had no idea in hell what to do. What happened to those friendly little signposts. Hell I'd take Navi's advice over the crap advice the game gives you. Well, that's enough ranting. All in all, Super Mario Galay is a good game. I know my review has been 70% complaint, but I only did that because: 1) I wanted to prove my point and 2) A lot of the positives in Super Mario Galaxy are indescribible by text only. All of you Galaxy fanboys out there, I'm not saying Galaxy is bad. IT"S GOOD, JUST OVERRATED. And I reccomend it for any platforming fan.

7/10

WWE Draft/Draft Show Review

The WWE Draft hsa happened again, last year it ruined the company, but what about this year.

The Good(TV Draft):

MVP to Raw: Great move, he's really a 2009 push and with a new star studded RAW, he'll fit right in.

Kane to Smackdown: Okay, Kane has been going nowhere, drifting from face to Heel and back over the past several months and it has annoyed me. But goiong to Smackdown will give him new light, or well, darkness. But there's only one thing I can see and that Brothers of Destruction reunited, and to that I say fuck ya.

HHH to Raw: This was really predictable, HHH needed to be on Raw because of the whole Mcmahon-Helmsley thing.

Kozlov to ECW: His character was really getting old and once he lost, he was getting buried bigtime. ECW gives him some ring grooming so I'm glad of that.

Diva Transfers: Let's be honest, the Divas for the past couple of months have sucked, and new with the two champs, the twins, Candic, Alicia and Layla (last four supplementally) moving, things will be mixed up a bit.

Punk, Mysterio and Jericho to Smackdown: With raw being so star loaded, Smackdown needed some main events guys and Jericho and Punk will do fine, and I can see a feud between Jericho and Punk forming.

The Bad(TV Draft):

Cena Still on Raw: This ticked me off because it made Backlash as predictable as hell. Edge will win and bring a Championship to Smackdown. Batista will turn heel, Christian wins ECW Championship, what a fun $40 I'll have to spend.

ECW Getting Screwed: 1 pick, 1 out of 12, what the hell. ECW is the best wrestling show in the WWE and they get screwed. Kozlov is a good pick up yes, but with a small roster we need variety. And we didn't get it, and Bourne and Dreamer got buried which also annoys me.

Miz and Morrision Disbanded: This, this just plain sucks. The Miz and Morrison had potential to be Legendary, and I mean Midnight Express legendary. One year, is all we get and although they were heels and have been getting buried by the Colons, they were the best Tag Team in wrestling, and I'm gonna miss the Dirt Sheet.

Kofi and Mysterio Seperated: Again, another tag team that had potential, two underdog cruiserweights, it was a great idea. Shame it lasted 5 weeks and 2 losses.

Matt Hardsy to Raw: Why, just why. The Hardy's feud in it's stride just ended, why. It makes no freaking sense.

The Good(Draft Show):

11 Matches: Wow, I'm impressed. 11 Matches in 3 hours, 2 promos. It was great, good matchups, near unpredictable results. Shame it was one night only.

Kofi vs. Miz: What a match. It was long, used both Superstars well and really unpredictable. Lame ending yet apprioate, and Kofi doesn't lose, for once.

Cena vs. Swagger: This match's was result was obvious, Cena never loses unless his championship is on the line or HBK kicks him in the jaw repeatedly. But Swagger put up a damn good fight and I love the support Swagger is getting. He's a heel, but I like him.

Kane vs Kendrick: This wasn't much of a match, but it was hilarious. Ezekial Jackson getting kicked in the chest made me keel over. Kendrick's slowly becoming a Santino-esque jobber, but I'm kind of liking it.

Battle Royal: A decent match, seen better seen worse, but a good finish.

Bourne vs. Mysterio: Two great cruiserweight faces at their best, true I would have preferred a SSP to a 619, but I'll take it.

The Bad(Draft Show):

Main Event: Again, why. Triple H just had his match, I want to see Batista before he turns heel damn it. And this didn't start with HHH, it started in November when Edge was WWE champion.
Santino vs Khali: It was a remake of Friday's match, enought said. No wait, never mind. Santina on the Khali Kisscam, ugh there's a lunch tosser.

The Good (Supplemental):

Finlay and Hornswoggle Seperated: Thank you God, thank you Jesus, thank you Irish Jesus. I despise this duo and their dirty tactics. Now Finlay is going to get buried and Hornswoggle is going to be squashed into smitherines by the Big Show and I'm going to laugh my ass of.

Knox to Smackdown: Smackdown needed a good mid-card heel other than Shelton and Knox fits in. True, I would have preferred Regal, but whatever.

Morrison to Smackdown: I can see a face turn for him and acting as a replacment for MVP. He has a lot of talent and he'll be the IC champ within a month.

Hurricane to ECW: I really like him and he's basically vanished off the face of the Earth since February, and ECW will put him in action.

DH Smith to ECW: Finally, I can see him in action. He's upencoming and there'll be a tag team with him and Tyson Kidd, after all, thery're practically brothers in real life.

Bella Twins to Raw: This'll be a great Divas feud and I'm glad they didn't seperate them.

The Bad(Suuplemental):

Ziggler and Ortiz to Smackdown: Shame, these two had potential and now they're going to get buried.

Paul Burchill still on ECW: He's another heel I really like because he spent all of his time trying to take down Finlay, whom I despise. ECW is now heel loaded and he's going to get released. Shame.

Natalya and Jackson to ECW: Natalya is a really strong Diva and she should have gone to Raw to compete with Mickie James, I can see they want to put her with Tyson Kidd but, it's a waste of talent. And now ECW has no face divas. Unless you count Tiffany, but I don't. This could also a face turn for Paul and Katie Lea, which I will embrace. As for Jackson, ECW doesn't need another big guy. Kozlov and Henry are enough. He and Kendrick were a good team and now Jackson will team with Mark Henry.

Tag Teams Split. This supplemental draft just pissed me off. Jesse and Festus, done. Hawkins and Ryder, done. Kendrick and Jackson, done. Miz and Morrison, done. Kingston and Mysterio, done. DJ Gabriel and Alicia Fox, done. Kane and Knox, done. The only teams that are left are the Colons, Priceless and Cryme Tyme, ugh. Well, I'm pulling for Priceless. Hopefully there will be some new teams. See below.

New Potential Tag Teams (woot):

Tyson Kidd and DH Smith with Natalya: Dungeon Prodigies
Ezekial Jackson and Mark Henry: Big and Strong (I'm not good with names)
Umaga and Mike Knoz: Destroyers
Paul Burchill and DH Smith: British Alliance
Kane and Undertaker: Borthers of Destruction (please)
HBK and HHH: DX (If there's anything right in this world)
Edge and Jericho: Oppurtune Saviors (Like I said, I'm bad with names)
The Miz and Matt Hardy: Extrme Chick Magnet
Jesse and Kung Fu Naki: The two guys I feel are very underrated

Overhated Games - Part 1: Simpsons Skateboarding

There are a lot of video games out there from the NES to PS3 that get a load of hate that honestly don't deserve it. First, let me explain the difference between an underrated game and an overhated game. An underrated game is a great game that does not receive the praise it deserves and an overhated game doesn't necesarily have to be good, it's just not as bad as everyone says it is.

Overhated Game: Simpsons Skateboarding
The Simpsons is a great long running TV series, as a game series, it's legacy is one mediocrity at best. I will conceive that many Simpsons games were pure crap, Simpsons Wrestling to Bart vs. the World caused many fits of rage and moans of wasted $30 investments all over the gaming world. But there have been some decent titles, Hit and Run was solid, Road Rage was okay and the newly released The Simpsons Game, how original, was passable. Many feel that the Simpsons Skateboarding released for the PS2 many feel belongs in the Simpsons shit list. There were many complaints of poor controls, graphics and shallow gameplay. I think otherwise. First of all, yes the graphics were overly colorful and blocky, but games based off of animated TV shows or films always look like this. Secondly, the controls. Everbody says the controls were crap. Well, seeing as they had the exact SAME BUTTON LAYOUT AS TONY HAWK, HOW COULD THEY BE BAD. X to Ollie, O and Square for tricks, Triangle for grind. It controls fine. Occasionally I found an ollie delay and the grind balance and steering was a little loose, yet workable, but other than that it was fine. Then the gameplay, boring and repetive. WHAT. How iis it boring. The enviorments were large, fun and had interesting nooks and crannies to do tricks off of. There were over 10 locations, a trick park, mutliple characters and humor. How is that boring. I will concede that they had you do the same objectives again and again such as collect the letters to spell this, or do tricks in this amount of time, and the objectives could have been more creative but still I had fun. Then the multiplayer, well, what was wrong with it. They offered skateboarding games, trick attack, grafitti, horse, it was just like the original Tony Hawk Pro Skateboarder. There were time challenges and skill comeptitions. True, I would have appreciated a multiplayer free skate but I don't mind since well, nobody ever played with me. The Simpsons Skateboarding was like a somewhat watered down Tony Hawk's Pro Skateboarding with the Simpsons. It was fun, enjoyable and funny. If I new any place to buy it other than eBay and since nobody gives two hoots about the PS2 anymore, I would recomend it for any Simpsons fan, for others, Tony Hawk's better, but hey, in this one you get to play as an obese, angry, lazy nuclear technician, can you do that in Tony Hawk, I don't think so..

Rant: Cheerios

Okay, so I don't know if this has been nationwide but I'm going to assume so. Lately I've been seeing a lot of Cheerios commercials about how Cheerios are good for your heart and cholesstoeral (if that's how you spell it). It constantly says lower your cholessteral 4% in 6 weeks. Many find this appealing, take it from me, it is a load of shit. First of all, my chollesterall is about 180 points. That's about average, I think. Now 4% of that is 6 points. So you're telling me to lower my cholesstoerol by 6 points, I have to eat those near tasteless little Os for breakfast every day, six weeks straight. No eggs, no pancakes, no hash browns, no bacon, dream on. And how do I know they mean every day for 1 meal, they may mean every meal, I don't know, THEY DON'T SPECIFY. Listen, if you want to lower your cholessteral more than 6 points in a month in a half, put down the ice cream, get your ass off the couch and go run a mile, I do it, and it works. Or better yet, take some Lipitor that'll drop it 30% in 4 weeks. Don't be fooled by that smart ass bee. There are better easier ways to help your heart than eating Cheerios.

Game Review: Sonic and the Secret Rings

Okay, I know this game has been out for over a year now but I have been looking to get a Sonic game for my Wii and I picked up Secret Rings because of the $20 price tag. So, I may as well review it.

Story: If your a Sonic fan, you know by now that all Sonic stories with maybe the exception of Shadow the Hedgehog (2005) are a load of crap, this is no different. Pretty much everybody knows what this game is about so I'm not going to get into it. It is gradeschool fan fiction and if it were presented in an Arabian and Sonic background, it may actually be mildly interesting, but the storybook style ruins it. Oh well.

Design: The games design is that of a typical platformer. There are seven different themed worlds and a tutorial. This may sound limited but it is just the opposite. Each world is one very large level that you complete when you first enter it and you then complete many and I mean many mission ytou can complete afterwards that take place as part of that level. The mission are ranged from the basic complete in certain time to the obscure of find the eggs and put them in the nests. They all work very well and are extrmly fun to play. Certain, missions advance the story and others are for upgrades, however you arn't told this beforehand and it can get annoying, but it does force you to play all the missions, which expands the game's lifespan. the goal of each world is to collect the world rings, how creative, which is done by completing all missions or the final boss. The game is not played linearly, so you can unlock the final world without holding one world ring. There is also a scoring and upgrade system that can give Sonic new abilities and better mobility. There are over 100 upgrades, highly impressive for a remote with two motions, a D-Pad and two buttons. Only certain upgrades can be turned on at atime and each consumes different amounts of power, so some strategy comes into play. There is also a Mario-Party esque multiplayer mode, that has several different gameplay styles, it is a fun addition, but more on it later. There is also the extra gallery which unfortuantly is 100% unlockable. Content is unlocked by earning medals on missions, which is extremly difficult. I figured out that it's impossible to earn a medal on your first play, you need to earn upgrades then come back to the mission later. All in all, it's a well designed and very enduring game, and you'll get hours out of it.

Gameplay: Let me say this first, I was reluctant to pick this game up before hand because I heard it conttrols poorly, I found very little control issues. Again, THIS GAME CONTROLS FINE. The lateral movement is fluent and there is no noticeable delay. The jumping controls also work well and there are many different styles of jumping and movement. Certain areas may seem frustrating and you'll think it is because of the controls, but actually it's because your likely using the wrong style of control. For example, instead of doing the charge jump to avoid the blades, use the quick jump with an air charge. My sole problem was landing on small platforms because the speed makes it hard to judge distance, but these moments were few and far between. Each level also contains a boss, these are fun and require some strategy. However it is annoying that there are no checkpoints in boss fights and the battles take a while. Now for the rest of the levels, they're are played on rails with collectable rings, soul pearls, grindable edges and plenty of enemies to bash. Movement is made by turning the horizontaly held, the 2 button to jump and slide, 1 to brake and the D-Pad to control your Soul Gague. Each of Sonic's different abilties is easily pulled off by a thrust of the Wii-Mote or the press of a button. The Speed Break and Homing Attack are used the most and both work well. There are a wide variety of obstacles and a certain way to avoid each one. The levels are full of death traps and it's rare you'll get through one on your first try, which is often a complaint about this game. I don't see why, why should I be able to blaze through each level, that would make it too easy. In fact, name a good game where you can do that. Each level is different and the game has an extrmly high fun factor. The Party mode offers you several varities of mini game play, such as board game play, point style, tournament etc. The minigames are all standard WiiMote motion and most are fun. A few are poorly controled, two are completly broken, but this is common in all mini-game collections. I found the party mode fun, and while no Mario Party, it is a great extra.

Presentation: This was a launch title for the Nintendo Wii. That sentence usually spells a graphical disaster, this and Twilight Princess are the sole exceptions. This game looks fantastic. The levels have the perfect balance between cartoon andrealism and are colorful and fun to look at. All parts of the level of highly detailed and the framerate is great. The cinematics are played out on an aged 2D still picture storybook style. While it fits the plot, it does feel just the Arabian Nights, well out of date. Compared to Sonic 2006, there are few characters. Sonic and Shahara cover 90% of the cinematics with Tails, Kunckles, Robotnik and others appearing sparodically. All characters appear as characters in the Arabian Nights. I.E. Tails is Ali Baba, Knuckles is Sinbad, it's a good idea but feels awkward. As usual in the Sonic series, there is a one game only character. Here name is Shahara, she is a genie, she acts as a guide, and like all other one time Sonic characters, she is a bitch and I despise her. But whatever. The voice acting again is pure crap, but an improvment over Sonic 2006. Jason Griffith and Dan Green (Sonic and Knuckles respectively) provide good voices for their characters yet are herendous voice actors. Amy Palant (Tails) is just the opposite. She is a good voice actress but the voice she provides is too young, too girly and annoys me to no end. For those who are playing Secret Rings as your introductury Sonic game, as much as you may think, Tails ia a guy. And to go off topic, why do all kids who are boys have to be voiced by females, I hate that, just have an age appropriate male voice them. That's what Sega has done in the past and they've converted to the FOX style animation voice acting. But enough about the voices, what about the music. The music would be expected to be Arabian style music, it's not. It is rock and metal, custom made, and I love it. The music sounds good, fits the mood and although the lyrics are hard to understand, the sound pleases my ears. It's so good, I have Seven Rings In Hand (the theme) on my iPod, and I don't regret the purchase.

Conclusion: This is a great game. Visually stunning, very well laid out, adequately controlled and extremly fun. The sense of speed and the basic rush platforming the Sonic series is known for is back and better than ever. The game is deep and has a lot of replayability, and you'll get at least 20 hours out of it. It is the best Sonic game on the Wii, and also the cheapest at $20, if you like fun, which must people do, this is a must buy.

9/10

Wrestlemania 25 Review

The Good:

Undertaker vs. HBK: This match was perfect. 30 of minutes of back and forth brawling and by far the most unpredictable match of the night. Taker going 17-0 is what I hoped and predicted and I am pleased with the result, the only remaining question is is this a heel turn for HBK.

Hardy vs. Hardy: First of all, it was good to see Matt in real action since January and an Extreme Rules match did the trick. I felt there could have been a bt more to this match, I was hoping to see some sort of explosion but whatever. The only real problems with this match is it was too short, less than 15 minutes, this could have easily been a 25 minute match. What really pleases me was that Matt won. I have thought about Matt's promos, and you know what, he's right. Score one for Big Brother.

The Bad:

Tag Team Match as the Dark Match: WTF. This match was one of the few on the card I was looking forward to, the buildup has been great and we don't even get to see it. This was a crap move by the WWE and I hope they think about all the fans they ticked off next time they try this.

Christian Not Winning the MITB: I was willing to put money down, in fact I did put money down that Christian would have won the MITB and challenged Jack Swagger on the spot because for some weird reason there was no ECW Championship match on the card. Add to that CM Punk winning took all he momentum out of the MITB, because as muich as I like him, he's just a transitional champion.

IC Title Match: Again, WTF. A squash match. You have to be kidding me. This was JBL's last match and the WWE screwed him. I like Rey, but I thought JBL would retain and retire as champ. The WWE has really been an ass to it's retirees this year, first Victoria, then the Boogeyman and now JBL. Bradshaw, I hate you, but I salute you.

Cena as Champ: Now, I don't hate Cena, but I am sick of him as champion. He had it from November to February, and he'll have it until at least Backlash, which is a good month. We all knew he would win, but I'm still dissapointed.

No Batista: I thought for sure he would return and maul Orton. I know he's been injured, but if you've looked on WWE.com, he is appearantly healthy enough to promote in the Phillippines.

HHH vs Orton: The whole DQ stipulation ruined the match, this should have been a hell in the cell match and so much buildup amounted to very little.

Diva Battle Royal: Santina Marella, you're F***ing kidding me. What a waste, funny, but a waste. What should have happened is have Santino run in there and get mauled by all the Divas. And no Trish or Lita, what the hell. Good to see Molly and Victoria, but do you care about Joy Giovanni or Miss Jackie, I don't.

Overall Show: What a disappointment. The card had so much potential and the WWE blew it. I had a feeling with the Rumble and No Way Out being so great, the WWE was due for a dud, it's a shame it had to be this.