The True Meaning of Life

Don't Die

Review: Star Trek

I think we can all agree, that movie remakes are either giant hits, or giant bombs ruining the franchise forever. I suppose everybody would classify the Star Trek movie in the former category, however I greatly disagree. Now first I'll say this, as a movie, Star Trek was great. Great acting, writing, art direction and effects. It was a great film, however, there is one minor complication, the title, Star Trek, yeah, I don't know what J.J. Abrams was smoking but last time I checked STAR TREK WAS NOTHING LKE THIS. How the fuck, could they do this. There is no way this was Star Trek, it was basically a Star Wars: A New Hope with Star Trek characters. The science, pyschology and intellegence that Star Trek is known for has been replaced by loud, colorful action. Let's star with the charcaters, Kirk, he's a cynical, violent asshole who is a hidden genius. SINCE WHEN. I know he was a little arrogant and knew his way around an arena, but come on. Spock, WHAT. Why on Earth would he just decide to throw his colleague off the ship, he would never do that. McCoy, I actually have little to complain about McCoy, but for chief medical officer, HE DOES NOTHING MEDICAL. Unless you count him injecting Kirk with three syringes of who knows what. Uhura, she's a sex symbol and nothing mor, and she makes out with Spock, yeah, that ain't right. Scotty, character wise, he was spot on, but one query, WHY THE FUCK WAS HE ONLY IN THE FILM FOR LAST TWENTY MINUTES. Sulu, he's in for about five minutes, fences some dude and he's gone. Checkov, I have to say, Checkov's character really clicked and I actually like this portrayl better than the original. But since when is he a genius and since when does he work a transporter, that's Scotty's job, where was Scotty, waiting for his debut about an hour later. I'd also like to point out for a character who wasn't even around for the entire series, he played way too large of a role. Next let's move to the Enterprise. The bridge looks like a Best Buy and the engiene room like the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant. Now the plot, in a short run, in revenge for getting Romulus destroyed by which apparently was Spock's fault, Captain Nero, who by the way looks nothing like a Romulan, uses time warp and a mining drill to launch red matter, ooh, in planets to destory them. So basically, IT'S A FUCKING STAR WARS CLONE. This is Star Trek, Star-Trek, the cerator of innovative, interesting and complicated stroylines. I seriously think a ten year old could have written this plot. By the way, Vulcan blows up, Romulus blows up, so there's goes continuity. Speaking of continuity, the Romulans inhabit hundreds of planets, the loss of one isn't that catastrophic, well yeah it's a lot of lives, but on a scale, no big deal. Also, Human, Vulcans and Romulans, that's the extent of the Star Trek universe. No Klingons, Borg, Trill, Cardassians etc. They're all gone. Nw, you might remember from the scene where young Kirk is driving a car off a cliff and saves him self at the last minute. WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT ABOUT. It has nothing to do with the film, and why is a ten year driving a car. Why is he delibratly driving the car into a canyon, and since when is there a canyon is Iowa. My God this film is fucked up. If your a trekkie, don't see this film, it will be a shame. If you're like every other American and enjoy violence, vulgar and things making boom noises, you'll love this film.

3/10

Rant: Cell Phones

Oh the Cell Phone, that wonderful 4 inch piece of metal that allows to talk (or text for you Americans) whenver, wherever and to whoever. Well, let's take a look at that second benefit, wherever. It's it appears that particular benefit which is kind of the point of a Cellular Phone has an exception, school No Cell Phones in School, now that just pisses me off. The whole point of me buying a cell phone is so, what was it again, oh yeah, I CAN FUCKING CALL PEOPLE WHEN I'M NOT HOME, 90% of the time when I'm not home, because I'm a social tragedy, is school, and to add on to my reclusion, 90% of the calls I make are to my parents. Look, I often find it necesary to talk to my parents in school . It's often about after school shit I have to do, but sometimes about more personal matters. Now, whenever I'm seen with a cell phone, teachers think I'm texting to friends or dealing drugs. And, proceed to confiscate my phone. 1. I don't text, it's is waste of money and it is tedious. 2. I never have my phone out during class, so if I'm using my phone on my own time, say in Commons, well isn't it my fucking business, and who am I affecting if I call someone. If I need to make an important phone call, I will make it. That's the whole damn point of a phone. Teachers tell me to use the office phone. Well, I WANT MY PHONE CALLS TO BE FUCKING PRIVATE. If it's just to my parents, okay, I'll use the office phone. But if I'm making a personal, and rarely emotional phone call, I don't want to have the secretary, students and the principal listening to my private conversion. Now, I'm going to tell you a true incident. Sometime in I think, January, my grandfather had to go in for heart surgery. And I just so happened to be stressed that morning and wanted to speak to him. Well, I tried to call him and twice in the halls and teachers caught me and I had to run like hell to keep them from confiscating my phone. I had to hide in a band room closet, no joke, a fucking band room closet to make my phone call. So to all school personell who vow to confiscate every LG Shine and Razor in sight, why don't you rule out texting and business calls (use your imagination on that one), and just let us make our fucking phone calls.