The True Meaning of Life

Don't Die

Review: Star Trek

I think we can all agree, that movie remakes are either giant hits, or giant bombs ruining the franchise forever. I suppose everybody would classify the Star Trek movie in the former category, however I greatly disagree. Now first I'll say this, as a movie, Star Trek was great. Great acting, writing, art direction and effects. It was a great film, however, there is one minor complication, the title, Star Trek, yeah, I don't know what J.J. Abrams was smoking but last time I checked STAR TREK WAS NOTHING LKE THIS. How the fuck, could they do this. There is no way this was Star Trek, it was basically a Star Wars: A New Hope with Star Trek characters. The science, pyschology and intellegence that Star Trek is known for has been replaced by loud, colorful action. Let's star with the charcaters, Kirk, he's a cynical, violent asshole who is a hidden genius. SINCE WHEN. I know he was a little arrogant and knew his way around an arena, but come on. Spock, WHAT. Why on Earth would he just decide to throw his colleague off the ship, he would never do that. McCoy, I actually have little to complain about McCoy, but for chief medical officer, HE DOES NOTHING MEDICAL. Unless you count him injecting Kirk with three syringes of who knows what. Uhura, she's a sex symbol and nothing mor, and she makes out with Spock, yeah, that ain't right. Scotty, character wise, he was spot on, but one query, WHY THE FUCK WAS HE ONLY IN THE FILM FOR LAST TWENTY MINUTES. Sulu, he's in for about five minutes, fences some dude and he's gone. Checkov, I have to say, Checkov's character really clicked and I actually like this portrayl better than the original. But since when is he a genius and since when does he work a transporter, that's Scotty's job, where was Scotty, waiting for his debut about an hour later. I'd also like to point out for a character who wasn't even around for the entire series, he played way too large of a role. Next let's move to the Enterprise. The bridge looks like a Best Buy and the engiene room like the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant. Now the plot, in a short run, in revenge for getting Romulus destroyed by which apparently was Spock's fault, Captain Nero, who by the way looks nothing like a Romulan, uses time warp and a mining drill to launch red matter, ooh, in planets to destory them. So basically, IT'S A FUCKING STAR WARS CLONE. This is Star Trek, Star-Trek, the cerator of innovative, interesting and complicated stroylines. I seriously think a ten year old could have written this plot. By the way, Vulcan blows up, Romulus blows up, so there's goes continuity. Speaking of continuity, the Romulans inhabit hundreds of planets, the loss of one isn't that catastrophic, well yeah it's a lot of lives, but on a scale, no big deal. Also, Human, Vulcans and Romulans, that's the extent of the Star Trek universe. No Klingons, Borg, Trill, Cardassians etc. They're all gone. Nw, you might remember from the scene where young Kirk is driving a car off a cliff and saves him self at the last minute. WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT ABOUT. It has nothing to do with the film, and why is a ten year driving a car. Why is he delibratly driving the car into a canyon, and since when is there a canyon is Iowa. My God this film is fucked up. If your a trekkie, don't see this film, it will be a shame. If you're like every other American and enjoy violence, vulgar and things making boom noises, you'll love this film.

3/10

Rant: Cell Phones

Oh the Cell Phone, that wonderful 4 inch piece of metal that allows to talk (or text for you Americans) whenver, wherever and to whoever. Well, let's take a look at that second benefit, wherever. It's it appears that particular benefit which is kind of the point of a Cellular Phone has an exception, school No Cell Phones in School, now that just pisses me off. The whole point of me buying a cell phone is so, what was it again, oh yeah, I CAN FUCKING CALL PEOPLE WHEN I'M NOT HOME, 90% of the time when I'm not home, because I'm a social tragedy, is school, and to add on to my reclusion, 90% of the calls I make are to my parents. Look, I often find it necesary to talk to my parents in school . It's often about after school shit I have to do, but sometimes about more personal matters. Now, whenever I'm seen with a cell phone, teachers think I'm texting to friends or dealing drugs. And, proceed to confiscate my phone. 1. I don't text, it's is waste of money and it is tedious. 2. I never have my phone out during class, so if I'm using my phone on my own time, say in Commons, well isn't it my fucking business, and who am I affecting if I call someone. If I need to make an important phone call, I will make it. That's the whole damn point of a phone. Teachers tell me to use the office phone. Well, I WANT MY PHONE CALLS TO BE FUCKING PRIVATE. If it's just to my parents, okay, I'll use the office phone. But if I'm making a personal, and rarely emotional phone call, I don't want to have the secretary, students and the principal listening to my private conversion. Now, I'm going to tell you a true incident. Sometime in I think, January, my grandfather had to go in for heart surgery. And I just so happened to be stressed that morning and wanted to speak to him. Well, I tried to call him and twice in the halls and teachers caught me and I had to run like hell to keep them from confiscating my phone. I had to hide in a band room closet, no joke, a fucking band room closet to make my phone call. So to all school personell who vow to confiscate every LG Shine and Razor in sight, why don't you rule out texting and business calls (use your imagination on that one), and just let us make our fucking phone calls.

Rant: The Nintendo Gamecube

If you were to associate one company with video games, it would be Nintendo. Think of all the genius they've come out with. Super Mario Bros, Zelda, NES, Wii, Donkey Kong the list goes on and on. Well, there's one particular creation, well two counting the Virtual Boy, that in my opinio, downright sucked. And this is the little lunchbox known as the Nintendo Gamecube. Let's start with the most important things when it comes to a gaming console, the games. The Gamecube had only 600 games made for it, when you think about it, that's pretty small. The PS2 had over 5000. 5000 vs. 600, which will you take, yeah that's what I thought. Not to mention about 100 of titles were kiddy shovelware. Let's see, what's next, oh yeah graphics. Now I'not an expert with graphical numbers and bits and that's stuff, but compared to the Ps2 amd Xbox, the Gamecube was terrible, and you could tell with just one look. The Gamecube had huge graphical limitations it showed on games, example Windwaker. I refuse to play that game. Zelda with a cartoony, kiddy interface, blah. Sadly, it was a sign of things to come, no I don't mean Twilight Princess, I mean the Wii itself. Speaking of major franchises, the Gamecube was a franchise BOMB. Literally, so many Gamecube games are remembered as blotches on Nintendo's classic franchises, or leaving franchises behind all together. Super Mario Sunshine, who the fuck gave that the green light. Mario with a water squirting backpack, it's like Super Mario Bros. 2 all over again, except this game was legitimate. How about Mario Kart: Double Dash, it was good, but it could have been a lot better. Any Yoshi games, nope. Kirby who. 1080 Avalanche was okay, but compared to another series I like to call SSX, it was a piece of shit. Bomberman, ugh. Wave Race: Blue Storm was the biggest dissapointment of my life. How can you go from arguably the best racing game ever (Wave Race 64) to a mediocre title. And newsflash Nintendo, Star Fox belongs in the sky, not on land. Mega Man, no explanation required. Did you bother bringing back Castlevania, Sin and Punishment, Punch-Out, Excitebike, the list goes on. If it weren't for Metroid Prime, Pikmin, Donkey Kong and Resident Evil 4, the console would have gone down the tubes faster than the R-Zone. Never heard of it, that because it fucking sucked. Speaking of major franchises, the Gamecube just didn't have them, and they all rocked. I already mentioned SSX, but how about Halo, Gran Turismo, Killzone, Guitar Hero and so many more. You know this cool thing called online play invented around this time, does the Gamecube have it, nope. Then the controller, oh my god the controller. If you took all the contollers of the fifth and sixth gaming generations and had them make a deformed child, it was the Nintendo Gamecube controller. Who the fuck designed that piece of shit. Why are the buttons so disproportionate, why is the A button huge and the B button the size of a thumbtack. Why a the X and Y buttons elongated. Why is there only three shoulder buttons, not four. Whose bright idea was it to swap the positions of the D-Pad and the Analog stick which is okay, but keep their sizes. The D-Pad is so small it's impossible push down only one direction and the Analog Stick is supposed to be SMALLER than your thumb. It's like Nintendo tried to make the controller look as strange as possible. Look at a PS2 controller, it's so organized, D-Pad, two Angalog sticks well placed, four equally sized equally placed buttons, four shoulder buttons. How could it be any better? Next, and this complaint officially banishes the Gamecube to hell with the Atari 5200, Virtual Boy and 3DO. Did you ever wonder why the games felt so limited. Why the content seemed restricted. The RPGs weren't as deep, the adventures were shorter. Why there were only 16 tracks in Double Dash, why you beat Sonic Heroes and DK: Jungle Beat in about 5 hours, why Harvest Moon: A Wonderful had a set storyline (I just had to mention a Harvest Moon game). Well maybe it was because the Gamecube disks WERE THE SIZE OF A FUCKING PIZZA BAGEL. Really, was making the discs and the console small really that important, limited gameplay was a worthy sacrifice. That's why we had limited graphics, no online play, smaller games. Because of Nintendo's shitty smaller is better policy. I just don't fucking geti t. Why do the Japenese constantly think things need to be small. What do we care if we have to put our console large shelves or our DS can't fit the back pocket, just the front. It's America, everything's larger over here. And not to insult Japan, but Nintendo should be answering our appeals not Japan's because we are the clear majority of their sales. Here's another example of this shitty policy is the DS. The Nintendo DSi is 11% smaller than the DS Lite. Oh that's nice, what's 11%, half a milimeter. At what cost is this minor removal of bulkiness, oh not much just a QUARTER OF THE FUCKING BATTERY LIFE. Yeah an 11% bulk removal was definetly worth that. But I'm getting off topic. In conclusion, even though Gamecube will not go down in history as one of gaming shittiest consoles, as modern generations go, it certainly is at the bottom of the barrel.

Mini Rant: Killzone 2

hHey everybody, I found out this awesome way that you can play Killzone 2 on your PS3 without spending $50 to buy, or $7 to rent or $28.61 to have a guy steal it. You know that old Killxone 1 disc in the back of your closet, well, pull that out and put it into your PS3. Now pay attention cause this next part is real important. Ready, okay. Turn on the PS3 and play Killzone 1 again, there you go, Killzone 2. Don't get it, then you're a dumbass.

A List of Random People That Piss Me Off

- Sarah Palin
- Terrel Owens
- Ethan Hawke
- Austin Arel (not a celebrity)
- Barry Bonds
- John Edwards
- Roger Clemens
- Conservative Extremists
- Jim Kramer
- Russ Limbaugh (example of a Coservative Extremist)
- Reverend Wright
- O.J. Simpson
- Andy Dick
- People who think Rap and Heavy Metal is music
- Data Design Interactive and all its employees
- Chad Johnson
- Pete Rose
- Carter Pewterschmidt (Just because he is a character does not mean he can't piss me off)
- Geroge W. Bush
- George H. W. Bush
- Everbody who voted for George W. Bush in 2004
- Everybody who voted for Barrack Obama solely because he's black (that statment is not racist)
- Michael Jackson
- DMV Employees
- All Religous Zealots
- Whoever came up with the idea to make the new Star Trek movie an action film

5 Reasons Why Our Government Sucks

I hope to God that no FBI or CIA officials blow this into overdrive and cart me off to Guantonemo Bay, but I honestly our government has some big problems. It's kind of the reasons why 2000 - Present have been very shitty years. Now, I'm all for democracy and checks and balances and yada yada yada. But, I mean seriously we've got issues.

1. Whips. This I will explain, Whips constantly encourage party line voting and bribe Congressman with campaign money and committee assignments. Why, just tell why this is a good thing. We are now encouragaing party lines and discouraging bipartisanship. Isn't this the reason that we got NOTHING done in Bush's second term, because both parties were in a deadlock, well that and Bush was a stubborn jackass, but Whips are not a help, they are a hindrance.

2. Filibusters. I know this was established so an outvoted party won't go unheard or unconsidered in the Senate. But again, it is another things that prevents progress. but if a certain party, cough, Republicans, cough, gets outvoted, it's their fault and they should just deal with it and let the government run it's course, or maybe they could try bipartisanship. I know we can get a Cloture to end it, but these oppurtunities are few and far between.

3. Lack of Recall Elections. I know we have four year terms (for President, which is what I'm talking about) so each President has time to accomplish whatever the hell he wants to do. I know it takes time to judge a President, but if he's sucking after two or three years, Herbert Hoover prime example, we should have the right to get him out of there and the Vice without an impeachment.

4. Lobbyists. I am a little iffy about this one, becuase I know lobbyists provide good information on bills, but the corruption they cause is unbearable. The bribes and blackmails, it's insane. And a lot of them are sent by industries who can afford expensive lobbying and the government ends up representing these huge companies and forget about the common people. Don't get me wrong, I'm for lobbying, I lobby, I email by representatives nad that's it. And we're the ones they should be listening to. Not these corporal, funded, lying, sleazy, assholes.

5. Electoral College: Again, WHY. What is the point. What is the fucking point. We have these point per state, and if you win the state you get all points. So uh, all these people who voted for the othre candidate(s), I guess we don't give two shits about their vote. We keep tack of the popular vote anyway, why don't we use that. In fact, isn't that the whole damn point of a democracy, to consider everyone's vote. If we did this, Bush never would have been president and I guarantee our lives wouldn't suck as much as they do today.